Last weekend, at my son's basketball game, I saw a sign in the high school hallway:

"Missing 2 days a month—that's all it takes to fall behind."

And something in me snapped.

On Rest, Shame, and the Stories That Brainwash Us

This is a school full of kids from immigrant and working-class families—in an underfunded district where parents are juggling shift work and childcare, where kids are caring for younger siblings, managing chronic illness, surviving anxiety, navigating mental health challenges. Some are quite literally afraid to leave their homes because ICE agents are dispersed throughout the city.

And the message they’re getting?

Rest = failure.

It hit even more personally because my own son—now 15—was born at just four pounds. His first days were spent in the NICU, his nervous system wired for sensitivity from day one.
(🫶 fellow NICU moms, I see you 🫶)

When Covid hit, it hit him hard. The effects still linger. He misses several days of school every month—not because he doesn’t care, but because his body is maxed out. I encourage him to listen to that, even when his anxiety flares. Signs like that tell him that his very real, very human limits are unacceptable.

So when signs like that tell him- or any kid- that missing school puts you “behind,” I have to ask:

Behind who?
Where is the race?
And who decided that rest and healing put you “behind”?

Meanwhile, the government is spending money on studies that conclude the obvious: If you're not in school, you won't learn. As if the real question isn't why kids aren't there—and how we can support them.

Imagine if the funding that went into that research (and those signs) went toward:

Mental health care
Counselors
Nervous system support
Preventative health care
Community-based solutions

Instead, they get a sign on a wall.

A subtle shaming. A warning: Keep up or you are failing.

This Is Where It Starts

This is where the story begins:
Kids learn that rest equals “falling behind.”
Kids learn that their body’s signals must be ignored.

And then?
Those kids grow into adults who feel guilty for slowing down. Adults who rest only when their bodies shut down in protest.

No wonder so many of us feel like we're always catching up.

No tidy wrap-up here. Just naming it.

If you're still reading, I know you feel it too.

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